Facts you shouldn’t know about Jack Bauer

You've read the facts about Chuck Norris… it's time to know some about 24's Jack Bauer. On second thought, don't read: what you know might kill you.

(As seen here, but first seen here.)

Top 24 Jack Bauer Facts

  1. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Mayers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
  2. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  3. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
  4. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  5. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.
  6. The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
  7. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
  8. There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.
  9. Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
  10. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
  11. After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
  12. A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar… and Jack Bauer is going to find out why…
  13. Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.
  14. Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world… five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
  15. When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin' hates lemonade.
  16. As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.
  17. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
  18. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
  19. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
  20. On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.
  21. Jack Bauer can eat just one Lay's Potato Chip. Don't tell Jack what he can't fucking do.
  22. It took God six days to get His job done; Jack has 24 hours.
  23. Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.
  24. Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Want more? There's a top 100 list, with ratings, on NOT RLY.

[SPOILER WARNING: if you're not up to date (5th season, episodde 16) with the series, don't go to the main page, there's a huge spoiler on there. The list I've linked seems to be currently spoiler-free.]

Update: Almost forgot. Seen here, thanks to The Efrit: "If Jack Bauer were on the island, the show's name would be Found."


~ por nushh en 2006/04/07.


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