No pants after marriage

So I’m Google drifting last night and this is what I stumble upon:

Hi I’m new here and wanted to ask all of you aquestion since it looks like you really all try to help each other out(wich is great). Any who I recently got married (well not recent twoyears ago!) and in this family when a girl gets married she can nolonger wear pants in public. Sucks I know.

It’s ok with me the only problem is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR!

[You’ll probably need to see it for yourselves. And no, you really don’t want to know the google search that led me to this.]

So I read it and re-read it again and still it says just that. She got married to someone whose family doesn’t allow married women to wear trousers in public. I won’t even go into why on earth she’s OK with it in the first place. Or why she married a guy who’s OK with that. Some people are into coprophilia, some worship a multiple-personality zombie. There’s nowt as queer as folk.

Next I check the date (not that it matters, reading this anywhere other than a pre-19th century novel would have the same effect on me). October 22nd (that’s 2006, yes). I wish it read April 1st.

Fine, so it’s someone with access to the internet in 2006, plus she speaks English, which sort of reminds me of all the chatter about the free, developed western world – so… where is she from?

Location: Down in the heart of Texas (Houston that is)

Don’t worry, I won’t get started on that one – it’s been overdone. Besides, I love Texas, even its stereotypes. How can you not love Texas when it’s given us one of the best comic strips ever (you might want to start from the beginning in L.A., though). Plus, Texas can be fun. Not that this lady’ll be getting on her knees for anyone other than the priest, though.

I guess what I should be thinking is, boy, isn’t she lucky she’s been married two years already and only now is she having to actually comply. Or maybe she hasn’t been let out in public in two years, so she didn’t need to look for proper clothes for a married woman anyway. I don’t really know what to think.

But I get it: in a free country, you’ll let your husband’s family tell you what to wear if you want to, damn it. And what’s a piece of clothing anyway, compared to the joys of marriage and being a good, decent wife? At least you don’t live in one of those countries where people worship false gods, where women can’t even show their hair in public and have to wear a burkha every time they leave their husband’s house. In a free country you get to choose. If you enjoy pants so much, you can always choose to do so inside the house, where nobody’ll get nasty thoughts looking at two distinct legs.

Now wait. It actually has to be kind of neat, getting off on someone wearing plain brown old-fashioned pants. No need to look for anything fancy – who wants latex corsets when you see sex in a pair of old fabric trousers your grandmother would’ve worn. Isn’t that something. You lot out there, a bunch of godless perverts googling for porn and being picky about the models, hail damage and whatnot, when these fine, god-fearing people find temptation and sex everywhere, in a pair of simple old trousers – in fact they find so much of it they can’t bear to see them in public.

Does that mean they’re also polymorphously perverse, like Charlize Theron in Celebrity?? Niiiice.

Now I get why she’s OK with this.

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~ por nushh en 2007/01/13.

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